Death Note for newbies

Becoming a god isn't happiness as Yagami Light has proven so let me teach you how to achieve it if you do get a copy of the deathnote

Write this into the notebook

" (insert your name), hereby referred as "the owner" shall die at at the age of 1000 and the following will happen before he dies,

1) Bill Gates will endow all his fortune to the owner.
2) The owner shall have the ability to sense oil fields.
3) The owner shall be able to forecast any stock market within six sigmas of accuracy.
4) The owner shall have superhuman powers to influence and control any human being.
5) The owner shall have the ability to tax anyone's income.
6) The owner shall have a immune system that will resist any known and unknown ailments(Virus, prions, bacteria, parasites, poison, cancer and radioactive substances)
7) The owner shall Look (insert desired age) till the day he/she dies.
8) The owner shall possess an adamantium skeleton and super human healing abilities (including limb regeneration)
9) The owner shall enjoy constant attention from attractive members of the opposite sex.

The end
"