Death Note for newbies

Becoming a god isn't happiness as Yagami Light has proven so let me teach you how to achieve it if you do get a copy of the deathnote

Write this into the notebook

" (insert your name), hereby referred as "the owner" shall die at at the age of 1000 and the following will happen before he dies,

1) Bill Gates will endow all his fortune to the owner.
2) The owner shall have the ability to sense oil fields.
3) The owner shall be able to forecast any stock market within six sigmas of accuracy.
4) The owner shall have superhuman powers to influence and control any human being.
5) The owner shall have the ability to tax anyone's income.
6) The owner shall have a immune system that will resist any known and unknown ailments(Virus, prions, bacteria, parasites, poison, cancer and radioactive substances)
7) The owner shall Look (insert desired age) till the day he/she dies.
8) The owner shall possess an adamantium skeleton and super human healing abilities (including limb regeneration)
9) The owner shall enjoy constant attention from attractive members of the opposite sex.

The end
"

Wise Cracks to the rescue

As the dust settled from my last ditch attempt to pull myself from spiralling into a thankless entanglement, there were some wise cracks along the way that everyone threw in to well...to ease me up...

1) I am nobody... nobody is perfect... Therefore I am perfect
2) Everyone lives to serve as an example... even as a wrong example
3) Everything happens for a reason.... until it happens to you

Kim as usual has his succint analysis of the situation that brings forth the optimism and righteous actions of the parties involved.

Right on... Tommorrow lunch, I eat free at Furama.. hohoho!

Botak Jones Outing

Anonymous says:
lets go BJ later

Temujin says:
BJ?ok, U tell that Kim first lol

Anonymous says:
he'll be addicted to BJ then

Temujin says:
lol, BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ BJ

Anonymous says:
no reply from Kim, maybe he dun want BJ

Temujin says:
dun want BJ? Or he wants you to buy him a bj?

Anonymous says:
meet 730pm clementi control. We're going BJ tonite, Three of us go BJ tonite
We like BJ. There are many people queing up for BJ. Some bring their children for BJ.

Temujin says:

Should invite her to BJ. "Hi, can I bring u to give me a BJ and you a BJ too?
yeah dun worry, the parents even bring their children there. Family BJ so the whole family can have BJ together

Temujin says:
I need to put this in my blog

Anonymous says:
look at the children, the mouth are full of the meat juice after BJ.

Temujin says:

Now how to save the damn chat log... hmmmmmmmm

Communism

Early Communists

The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.

Santa Pwns X'mas

To whoever wrote this: ..Santa is magic, you insensitive clod. Normal rules of spacetime don't apply to him. Off with you and your lump of coal, Scrooge... bah.. humbug!

Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective I.

There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Jehovah's Witnesses, or Buddist religions, this reduces the workload on Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with at least one good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, jump out, go down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump in the sleigh, and move on to the next house. (That's why it's really pointless to stay up and wait for him....)

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For the purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 75.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child has nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull nothing more than 300 pounds. Even granted that "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or nine of them; Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the sleigh itself, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizibeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance; this would heat up the reindeer in the same fasion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and causing deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.2 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which seem ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pound of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Handrest for mouse usage

Picture explains everything